PICK Awareness
  • Blog
  • Resources
    • Important Phone Numbers
    • For Parents >
      • Letter to a Friend
      • Grief and Recovery
      • Child Abuse/ Human Trafficking
      • Bullying & Cyberbullying
      • Internet Safety
    • For Friends/ Teens & Adolescents
    • For Senior Citizens
    • Drug Court, Reentry, Job Resources & Housing >
      • Gang Awareness
    • Substance Abuse >
      • "KUDOS" to These N.J. Treatment Providers
      • Hiding places
      • Meeting locations
      • Prescription Drug Drop off Locations
      • Underage Drinking
      • Heroin, Opioids, NARCAN
      • 12 Steps & 12 Traditions of Alcohol Anyomous
      • Faith-Based Recovery
      • Performance Enhancing Drugs
      • Tobacco, E-Cigarettes, Marijuana & CBD's (HEMP)
    • Healthy Lifestyles >
      • Wellness and Nutrition
      • Food Pantry/ Soup Kitchen Resources
    • Mental Health >
      • College student resources
    • Veterans and Military
    • Women's Issues >
      • Domestic Violence
      • Pregnant and Low Income Resources
    • Teacher Data Sites, Realtor and Pet Med info >
      • Pet Medications
      • DATA SOURCES
      • Expressive Creative Art Therapies
      • Realtors
  • About
    • Testimonies
    • Donna's Bio
    • Laura's Blog
  • Contact
  • Donate

Parents In Connection for Kids Inc.
​
​P.I.C.K. Awareness

Siblings, Holiday's, Recovery & Forgiveness

12/28/2018

0 Comments

 
Families get together for various events and celebrate traditions, faith, love and life. When you have someone in your family who is in recovery after a debilitating journey, it’s a blessing, but your family dynamics are never the same. 
 
There’s usually resentment and the fear that at any time a relapse can happen. When you have siblings who struggled through this journey together, you have to remember that they have a different perspective then you do. They’ve lost something too. They’ve been put in a position where they’ve “protected” their sibling by lying for them, not telling on them, watching them do drugs or buy drugs, they’ve been manipulated and stolen from and even asked to urinate for them so they can pass a drug test. They have visited them in jail, they have listened to people talk about their sibling, sometimes have gotten beat up because of it and yet the entire time, they still loved and supported them. They’ve mentally prepared themselves for the dreaded phone call that their sibling has overdosed and died. They’re mad at their parents because they were only focused on the one who is/was doing drugs. They have been robbed of a normal childhood where bonds and relationships should’ve been solid and safe..
 
 I know first hand the pain that families feel when they are trying to rebuild from this ordeal. My children have all suffered the effects of my daughter’s drug abuse. My husband and I fought over it, we spent countless hours and money trying to help her and we were always distracted and under tremendous stress. 
Eventually, the trust is gone, the resentment and fear practically numb you.  PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a real thing. Future events in life can trigger these feelings at any time. Siblings are hurt the most. They are so innocent; they are caught in the mix and terrified.
 
Healing takes a long time, but you can get there! Not all families are ready or open to counseling. During the holidays we have family celebrations, relatives and friends that come to visit. There are so many pressures. Getting together and facing the person who hurt you the most is sometimes too hard. There are bad memories and unresolved issues that sometimes are too much to initially forgive.
 
Sobriety, as wonderful as that may be, is not the same as recovering. Just because you are “substance free” that doesn’t mean you are well. Recovery means taking responsibility for the damaged relationships that occurred when the person with a substance use disorder was using. 
My daughter has been trying to mend her relationships and she's succeeding. She's written apologies; met with the people she’s hurt and has shown growth. I think the fear of relapse and opening old wounds sometimes gets in the way of accepting the apology. Things are improving slowly and I know deep in my heart that forgiveness between my siblings is around the corner. I see them laughing together again, able to be in the same room without being uncomfortable and able to enjoy the holidays again. Forgiveness is not only for the person who hurt you. It’s for you. When you release that load of anger and hurt off your shoulders you’re able to move on. Peace can be yours if you want it.
 
Repairing broken relationships is critical to the process of recovery. With hard work, patience and time you can get there.
 
Each member of your family has suffered. Understanding addiction, being informed, educating yourself and finding a good support system will help you heal. Whether your one of the lucky ones and still have your loved one here or your loved one has paid the ultimate price and overdosed, your family will need to move forward. Life is too short. 
 
 There are many resources out there to help your family. If counseling isn’t an option you can go to Al-Anon/ALA-TEEN, NAR-Anon, speak to your church, school SAC, local family community meetings and state resources. 
 
Please visit the pages here in my website www.pickawareness.com. I have done the research for you because I remember how hard it was for me when I was searching for answers.  It’s all here. If you don't see what you need, please write to me. 
 
Happy holidays,
 
Donna DeStefano
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    RSS Feed

    Author

    Donna DeStefano
    Passionate parent, prevention professional and activist

    Categories

    All
    2016
    ACE Score
    Addiction
    Antonio Pierce
    Assemblyman Sean Kean
    August 31st
    Awareness
    Barriers To Recovery
    Bill A268
    Bill A5061
    Bill S3552
    Bill S469
    Books To Read
    Break The Stigma
    Child Safety
    Circle BMW
    Cloud 9 & 10
    Compassion
    DEA
    Depression
    Designated Driver
    Disposal
    DMHAS
    Drug Abuse
    Drug Court
    Drug Free Kids
    Drug Free NJ
    Empowerment
    Eric Arauz
    Erik Coleman
    Express Scripts
    Families
    Family
    Fun Things To Do
    Girl Scouts
    Governor Christie's $200 Million Funding
    Governor Christie's Vigil 2016
    Governor Murphy
    Happy New Year
    Hidden In Plain Sight
    Hiding Places
    Homelessness
    Hope
    Housing
    Inside Edition
    Inside Edition Segment Link
    Jamie Wood
    Jesse Armstead
    Judgement
    Keeping The Mind Occupied
    Language
    License Plates
    Marijuana Pipes
    Mental Health
    Mental Illness
    Monkey Do
    Monkey See
    Mother's Day
    "My Two Cents"
    Networking
    New Jersey Coalition Of Auto Retailers
    Next Gen Group
    NJ Car
    NJ Fines And Penalties For DUI's
    NJ Support Recovery License Plates
    OCPO
    Opioid Crisis
    Overdose Awareness Day
    PHL17
    Play Safe
    Prescription Take Back
    Prevention
    Puzzles & Other Hobbies
    Raise Awareness
    Realtors
    Recovery
    Recovery Is Possible
    Reentry
    Relapse
    Rotary Club Of Toms River
    Self Help
    Senator Gopal
    Senator Robert Singer
    Sober Holiday's
    Sober Living
    Societal Cost
    State Of The State Address 2017
    Statistics
    Staying Sober During Holidays
    Stigma
    Substance Abuse
    Suicide
    Support
    Support Recovery
    Support Recovery License Plates
    Support System
    Surgeon General's Report 2016
    Sustainability
    Synthetic Drugs
    Take A Stand Vigil
    Testimony For NJ Support Recovery License Plates
    The P.I.C.K. Awareness Act
    Toy Association
    Toy Facts
    Tranquil & Quest
    Trauma
    United Recovery Project
    Vance Johnson
    #vigil2017 #beaface #Illbetherewillyou
    Volunteer To Get The Job You Want
    Ways To Stay Sober

    Archives

    January 2021
    January 2020
    December 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014

  • Blog
  • Resources
    • Important Phone Numbers
    • For Parents >
      • Letter to a Friend
      • Grief and Recovery
      • Child Abuse/ Human Trafficking
      • Bullying & Cyberbullying
      • Internet Safety
    • For Friends/ Teens & Adolescents
    • For Senior Citizens
    • Drug Court, Reentry, Job Resources & Housing >
      • Gang Awareness
    • Substance Abuse >
      • "KUDOS" to These N.J. Treatment Providers
      • Hiding places
      • Meeting locations
      • Prescription Drug Drop off Locations
      • Underage Drinking
      • Heroin, Opioids, NARCAN
      • 12 Steps & 12 Traditions of Alcohol Anyomous
      • Faith-Based Recovery
      • Performance Enhancing Drugs
      • Tobacco, E-Cigarettes, Marijuana & CBD's (HEMP)
    • Healthy Lifestyles >
      • Wellness and Nutrition
      • Food Pantry/ Soup Kitchen Resources
    • Mental Health >
      • College student resources
    • Veterans and Military
    • Women's Issues >
      • Domestic Violence
      • Pregnant and Low Income Resources
    • Teacher Data Sites, Realtor and Pet Med info >
      • Pet Medications
      • DATA SOURCES
      • Expressive Creative Art Therapies
      • Realtors
  • About
    • Testimonies
    • Donna's Bio
    • Laura's Blog
  • Contact
  • Donate