I attended a seminar on July 11, 2017 where a friend of mine, Eric Arauz was presenting to providers, clinicians and mental health professionals. Eric was an accomplished author, a mental health expert and a dynamic speaker. I’m not a clinical person professionally, but I love learning all aspects of human behavior. I learned a lot about mine from him that day.
The universe brought me this information at a time that I needed to restore my compassion and understanding towards someone. Something that was going on in my personal life that was making me judge a person and I was blocked.
When you’re a mom and you feel that you are protecting your child, all that you learn and preach about to others about helping people and understanding them, not criticizing or judging them goes out the window because now it’s your kid that could be affected by this person’s behavior. It’s your kid who gets hurt if you don’t protect them.
I had to ask myself, if this were someone else’s situation would I do whatever I could to help? After soul searching and really looking at all the facts the trauma this person had growing up, the home life he had, and the answer was yes. It was the right thing to do. I would have done this for a stranger! He needed my support. He needed understanding, treatment and a shot a better life. I put my fears away because of Eric’s seminar that day.
Eric talked about a lot of things that day, but what stuck out the most in this situation was the “ACE Score” (see below). The ACE Score which stands for “Adverse Childhood Experiences” is a tally of different kinds of abuse, neglect and other horrific childhood traumas that happened before the age of 18. There are ten major risk factors/ scores that can contribute to a person’s trauma growing up that can make them mentally and physically unhealthy adults. This kid I am referring to has 9 of them. He also talked about “The Process of Change: “The Power of Pause” Meaning if you’re reactive and then you pause you can become proactive. He said the 6 steps to achieving this are “Feel, PAUSE, Tolerate, Regulate, Integrate and Oscillate.
Eric was an amazing person, husband and father. Unfortunately this year we lost Eric to his own battle with depression and mental illness. At his last seminar he shared that he too had 9 out of the 10 ACE Scores.
Eric wrote a book about his life. It’s called “An American Resurrection” He signed my copy for me and this is how he signed it:
Donna,
"You are a true light and leader in the field of recovery”
Eric
I will be forever grateful to Eric for sharing his advice, encouragement, wisdom and his friendship.
Donna DeStefano
“Finding Your ACE Score”
Source: www.acestudy.org/the-ace-score.html
While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:
1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
If yes enter 1 ________
2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? If yes enter 1 ________
3. Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
If yes enter 1 ________
4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________
5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________
6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________
7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? If yes enter 1 ________
8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?
If yes enter 1 ________
9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?
If yes enter 1 ________
10. Did a household member go to prison?
If yes enter 1 _______
Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.
The universe brought me this information at a time that I needed to restore my compassion and understanding towards someone. Something that was going on in my personal life that was making me judge a person and I was blocked.
When you’re a mom and you feel that you are protecting your child, all that you learn and preach about to others about helping people and understanding them, not criticizing or judging them goes out the window because now it’s your kid that could be affected by this person’s behavior. It’s your kid who gets hurt if you don’t protect them.
I had to ask myself, if this were someone else’s situation would I do whatever I could to help? After soul searching and really looking at all the facts the trauma this person had growing up, the home life he had, and the answer was yes. It was the right thing to do. I would have done this for a stranger! He needed my support. He needed understanding, treatment and a shot a better life. I put my fears away because of Eric’s seminar that day.
Eric talked about a lot of things that day, but what stuck out the most in this situation was the “ACE Score” (see below). The ACE Score which stands for “Adverse Childhood Experiences” is a tally of different kinds of abuse, neglect and other horrific childhood traumas that happened before the age of 18. There are ten major risk factors/ scores that can contribute to a person’s trauma growing up that can make them mentally and physically unhealthy adults. This kid I am referring to has 9 of them. He also talked about “The Process of Change: “The Power of Pause” Meaning if you’re reactive and then you pause you can become proactive. He said the 6 steps to achieving this are “Feel, PAUSE, Tolerate, Regulate, Integrate and Oscillate.
Eric was an amazing person, husband and father. Unfortunately this year we lost Eric to his own battle with depression and mental illness. At his last seminar he shared that he too had 9 out of the 10 ACE Scores.
Eric wrote a book about his life. It’s called “An American Resurrection” He signed my copy for me and this is how he signed it:
Donna,
"You are a true light and leader in the field of recovery”
Eric
I will be forever grateful to Eric for sharing his advice, encouragement, wisdom and his friendship.
Donna DeStefano
“Finding Your ACE Score”
Source: www.acestudy.org/the-ace-score.html
While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:
1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
If yes enter 1 ________
2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? If yes enter 1 ________
3. Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
If yes enter 1 ________
4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________
5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________
6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________
7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? If yes enter 1 ________
8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?
If yes enter 1 ________
9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?
If yes enter 1 ________
10. Did a household member go to prison?
If yes enter 1 _______
Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.
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